GET OVER IT

There are certain occurrences which when shared with the “less knowledgeable” can make one feel they are being over-dramatic.

I was not aware that the brain “freezes” traumatic experiences once it is overwhelmed.  Let us use the example of being confronted by a very angry person who physically handles or assaults one.  People who lack “coping mechanisms” often opt to assault others.  Upon them touching one, one cringes, and perhaps because the shock is so intense one does not retaliate.  One freezes.  It could also be that because one does not know how to handle such or one is fearful, one merely “stands there” thus permitting the assailant to proceed in the perpetration of the offense.

One does not during that entire period ever think of the “incident.” Indeed, it is as if that incident never occurred!

After the assault one might even physically remove themselves from the presence of such a perpetrator.  Perhaps some 18 (eighteen) years may go by in which one quite unconsciously “avoids” being in the presence of physically abusive persons.  This is done quite unconsciously.   One is not even aware one is doing that.  One does not during that entire period ever think of the “incident.” Indeed, it is as if that incident never occurred!

However when one least expects, it could be the banging of a door, the raising of an angry voice or even being witness to an assault upon another which triggers the brain and suddenly that “traumatic” experience comes to the conscious mind.  One finds Self yet again fearful, tearful and for the next few days one relives the incident over and over again thus remaining extremely emotional.

Crying is not only reserved for children!

Unless one seeks the assistance of be it a professional, a close friend or a trusted family member, this psychological problem will turn into a psychiatric problem.  To the person reliving the experience the fear is real.  It is as if the assault has just been perpetrated.  One feels vulnerable, insecure and is very emotional.  If professional assistance has been sought, one would go through debriefing and every aspect of the said violation would be discussed.  If one received support and understanding from a trusted friend/family member, this can often times also assist one “get over it.” The important thing is to talk about it and about one’s feelings.  If one feels like crying, by all means cry for that will assist one feel better.  As men are also human it is advisable that they too “permit themselves to feel.” Crying is not only reserved for children!

However if upon mentioning the topic one is merely told one is being over-dramatic and one should just “get over it” either because one is an adult and should know better, or how can such an event affect one after so many years?  Do not pay heed to such comments.  Any matter which unsettles one needs addressing.  Without the “details” being unravelled one can become “permanently damaged” if this is left unattended thus requiring psychiatric help which will require medication to “buff” the areas of the brain which are now “alive.” Love yourself enough to seek help.  Call a call centre, discuss it telephonically if you feel uneasy, but do ensure you get help.

As I thought of this I wondered, could the words “get over it” be the reason we have so many adolescents using drugs to “suppress” emotions they are unable to deal with?  Because of the affordability of domestic helpers in Africa most households have “absent” parents who spend very little if any time at all bonding with their children and whom because of their lack of knowledge on psychological matters, simply brush everything aside and pretend all is well, when it is not.   In America and Europe it is not unusual for parents to have two jobs to be able to meet rent and other expenses.  Yet again, these spend the majority of their time away from their children.  Any subject brought up by a child should be addressed.  If the parent feels incapable of “dealing with the matter” then they should contact a help line.  Simply “ignoring” something is not healthy and could have dire consequences.

I have always advocated that any situation one encounters is there for one to learn.  Communication is imperative and key in all relationships.  Most parents lack communication skills as a result of which they prefer to “avoid” confronting and dealing with “uncomfortable situations” especially since they inevitably involve emotions. People seem to fear “feeling.” The desire to give children what parents did not have overtakes the importance of communication and bonding which are key in developing a balanced and educated mindset.

In Africa we lack psychologists.  Psychiatrists are also over-burned with work and yet the number of people requiring professional assistance is on the rise.  Overseas such services are covered by health insurance and medical aid.  As these professionals in private practice cost dearly and most Governments only have limited resources where do those suffering mental health issues go?  We “hide” important detrimental occurrences in our lives merely for “the sake of peace”. Once you remain silent to keep the peace, you create a war within yourself.

If you are ever confronted by someone who has unfortunately given you more “trust” than you are worthy of, please do not ever tell them to “get over it” for what that person is saying is “Can you please help me.  I ache.  I am fearful. I do not know where to go or whom to trust with this problem.” By you finding help for that person you too will learn and will be in a better position to assist others in the future.  We are all going through our own “hurdles” if you cannot help someone at least don’t hurt them further!

Thank you for stopping by to read my blog.

I share because I care.

Love always, kisses, hugs