MY PAST

Numerous readers have asked me how I got to be where I am today and my answer to them is always, you would not want to know me if I was still who I was in the past.

When I was appointed Deputy Sheriff Lubombo, Acting Deputy Sheriff Swaziland I really thought I owned the world! I was wrong! I used my position to vent out my frustrations on everybody and somebody else. Although I would always act “within the four (4) corners of the court order” force was the only way I knew how to get people to cooperate.

My then “boss” at the High Court of Swaziland used to inform attorneys “I have the right man for the job, it is a woman”. I even prided myself by having a sticker especially made which I put on my BMW, it read “They have found something to replace the work of 5 (five) men, one woman!” Whenever I entered premises people would say “Satan is entering now!” The lawyers called me “The Viper”.

Each day I would behave in a manner which not only demeaned those I served process on and in the spur of the moment, unconsciously as I then was, I would behave in a manner in which on the following day, I would not even want to see the people I had seen on the previous day! I hated myself. When I was doing arrests at the bus rank I could tell you whether he had an Okapi 2 Star, or 3 Star and what gun he carried! I would enjoy the walk to/from the bus rank with two (2) policemen with machine guns to “protect me”.

I had been using leadership skills by dictatorship. It always had to be my way or the highway. I had picked up the anger of all those attorneys jointly with their clients and had perfected it to such a degree that certain men would wet themselves through fear at simply the sight of me. Whenever I entered a space everyone pretended to be so busy no one voluntarily greeted me. I felt so alone. It felt like the world was against me. I had a connection with very few. It was better not “love” too deeply for I had always been told, “people will hurt you.” Being “nice” was considered a sign of weakness. My mother called me the Lion and my brothers would not enter my office without first enquiring about the “weather”. Their term “the weather” related to my mood. I would not see anyone without an appointment.

When I fell ill for the second time it was then that I looked back on my life and realized, I had erred badly. To get well again and stay well this time, I needed to turn my whole life around. I felt so alone. God was not giving me a second chance for nothing. And so started my journey on recreating myself as I now am where I love myself and do everything mindfully. I think things over carefully and never hesitate to stand up for what I believe in irrespective of the opinion of others. It was not worth it dwelling on my past mistakes, those no longer defined me.

It is now wonderful to have almost every person I know and meet, hug me. (This article was written and published before Covid-19) If someone stops and talks to me that is the most important person in my life at that instance. It is beautiful to receive lots and lots of not only mother’s day messages, but birthday messages and so many other messages daily, wishing me a prosperous and productive day/week.

It is wonderful to not only feel love but to give love. I now do not do anything unless I want to do it. I do not believe one has to have money to do things. One just has to believe they can manifest anything and one does. I am now truly happy and am now in heaven, having left hell behind me. By our thoughts and emotions, we create for ourselves either a heaven or a hell here on earth. I personally do not believe we have to die to get to either. I also do not believe God is a revengeful God – He loves us unconditionally so there is no roasting in hell in my personal belief. Just do that which is right and just at all times and you will find peace.

I posted on my Facebook Page the other day the following quote and I thought I should share it with you “Religion is for those who are scared to go to hell. Spirituality is for those who have already been there”. The long and short of it is that the attorneys never ever paid me for the work after I resigned as Deputy Sheriff and decided I would not stress over money. My life has continued peacefully and I have manifested more materially ever since I changed my thoughts to change my life. When we focus on the spiritual the material manifests. The universe has a supply for every demand and I am living proof that when we acknowledge our shortcomings we can change.

I now use leadership skills by desire. I will quote Napoleon Hill “The competent leader requires no title to give him the respect of his followers. The man who makes too much over his title generally has little else to emphasize. The doors to the office of a real leader are open to all who wish to enter and his working quarters are free from formality and ostentation.”

The fewer walls there are the easier it becomes not only to connect to others but to experience peace. It is important too to do introspection on a daily basis so that one improves daily. There is always something that we need to “change” especially since the majority are not aware that every single one of their actions can have a hundred different repercussions and as a man soweth so shall he reap. I live my life now, a moment at a time, and how wonderful it is to experience that moment in its totality and to be able to recall the days in my life, without feeling guilty about having treated others badly.

Thank you for stopping by to read my blog.

I share because I care.

Love always, kisses, hugs