ANGRY CHILDREN

Published in The Swazi Observer on the 211st January 2015

During the festive season I had occasion to engage with people outside of my comfort zone. It was sad to note that most children I encountered were angry. I questioned myself on how this came to be and had to acknowledge that in my humble opinion the system we have used over the years in ‘disciplining’ our children is just not working.

Instead of connecting with the children and allowing them to ‘educate’ us, parents get very defensive and even angry when suggestions on ‘alternative approaches’ are mentioned. This then made it abundantly clear to me why the children ‘refuse’ to follow instructions. The very same energy that the parent puts in explaining to one why they are not prepared to accept the suggestion is the same energy that the child puts into refusing to accept instruction. As we all know, we will always get that which we “already have”, in this instance, the attitude is simply mirrored back to us, by the child.

Teenagers are exceptionally good at picking up when one has an ulterior motive and when one is simply ‘being’ nice so as to obtain information from them. They immediately close up. The only way to get them to open up is to learn to “connect” with them and to “just be” when with them. Anticipate nothing, expect nothing, remove all the airs and graces and falseness and just live the moment. No judgment and no unnecessary comments. It is often those “unconscious comments” that make others not want to assist one. Indeed you have in the past decided to distance yourself from another simply because you “felt” they had ulterior motives in their dealings with you.

For us to live long, enthusiastic, creative, and healthy lives we have to re-remember the child within each of us. Many have forgotten how to live and they merely exist, keeping up appearances and “copying” what others do instead of finding themselves and remaining true to whom they are. Many have “buried” their true selves to such an extent that without the clothes, frequenting certain spaces, keeping up appearances, etc. they feel totally lost. They are unable to enjoy their own company and have never tapped into their own creativity!

Children know exactly who they are until their “thoughts” are contaminated by negative adults who always vocalize destructive view points. Let us stop demanding from our children that which has not worked for us and perhaps the reason why so many are so bitter and without ambition and zest.

If we observe the tone and energy which children put into say, endeavoring to be friendly, the “How are you?” comes out in a dominant, demanding and loud tone resulting in a child who is not accustomed to this sort of tone actually bursting into tears and wanting assurance from an adult that he is safe. This reminded me of a visit I had to the local primary school in my area. I noted goats eating the vegetables and so decided to drive into the school yard where I met a highly pregnant teacher who was walking to her quarters. Upon informing her that the goats were eating the vegetables she immediately screamed at children who were nearby, no politeness, no courtesy, she merely instructed them to go and “chase the goats away”.

I looked at her in shock! She was walking away and I drove next to her and said, “Have you not forgotten something?” She looked at me and said “What?” Needless to say, this explains why our children do not take a moment to say thank you and please if the very adults who are to educate them do not know how to be courteous and polite. Indeed I have noted many men assume you are flirting with them when you are polite. Irrespective of what men think, I will not “become just like the others” for it feels good to be well mannered, polite, and courteous. I do it to ensure I daily have the best day ever!

Despite one knowing the interest of these men is merely sexual which is sad to note, one always has to end up “educating them” that, that should be how we should all be, courteous and well mannered. They never fail to demand one’s telephone number and you can “feel” their desperation in wanting to get to know one better! They had forgotten what it feels like to deal with someone who is still considered old fashioned and who respects everyone.

We cannot sit back and complain about the attitude and behavior of our youth. Before we can change this each and every adult has to start working on themselves – their attitude, their tone, their destructive comments, their expectation, mannerisms, etc. for once again I remind you, everything starts and ends with each of us. Let’s become the change we want to see in the world.

When we have “mastered” this lesson, the universe will stop bringing “defiant and rebellious” children to us. Until then realize that to get what you have never had you have to do something you have never done. Let’s create a revolution, let’s start “connecting” with others when with them, instead of just “passing by”. Make the effort to “connect.” Feel every second and consciously tap into your own “SOUL” for in so doing you are also tapping into the Soul of another.

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I share because I care.

Love always, kisses, hugs